Tag Archives: Divorce

Coping With the Holidays Without Your Children

Last year as the holidays approached, I came across a blog entitled “Coping With Divorce When the Kids Are With the Other Parent During the Holidays” by psychologist Sharie Stines. In my own life experience, and in working with parents going through a divorce, I recognize what a critical and deeply distressing time this is, especially for recently divorced or separated parents who are without their children on the holidays for the first time.

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Questions to Ask Yourself After Your Marriage Ends: Whose Needs are They Anyway?

Questions to Ask Yourself After Your Marriage Ends: Whose Needs are They Anyway? by Lauren Behrman

When a marriage ends, all parties grieve differently. The healing process for the divorcing couple often looks and feels very different from the children’s process. The myriad changes following divorce really impact the children. Parents who have been in painful relationships can be very eager to form a new relationship, and for their children to meet the new significant other in their lives. They may feel that their children need to see them in a healthy and happy relationship that they didn’t see during the marriage. Parents may also feel that they don’t have enough time with their new partner and with their children, and seek to maximize the time by spending time altogether. Unfortunately, many parents have a hard time seeing this experience through the eyes of their children and its impact on them.

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Questions to Ask Yourself After Your Marriage Ends: When Are You Mailing Your Love Letter to Yourself?

Questions to Ask Yourself After Your Marriage Ends: When Are You Mailing Your Love Letter to Yourself? by Lauren Behrman

In a previous blog, I shared the poem Love After Love by Derek Walcott — a beautiful poem about learning to love the stranger that was yourself prior to the ending of your marriage or love relationship. After a relationship ends in divorce, it is not uncommon to yearn for a new relationship, especially if the marriage was devoid of emotional and  physical intimacy. It is a human need to seek validation, especially by knowing that somebody else feels that you’re attractive and lovable — an experience that you may have missed for years.

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Questions to Ask Yourself After Your Marriage Ends: Who am I Sharing My Bed With?

Questions to Ask Yourself After Your Marriage Ends: Who am I Sharing My Bed With? by Lauren Behrman

In his beautiful ballad, Percy Sledge sang to us, “Take time to know her, it’s not an overnight thing.”

Getting to know someone takes a long time. For many divorced people, there is a strong pull to find a new life partner, a new forever relationship, a new soul mate. Initial excitement during the honeymoon phase of a new relationship can mask problematic aspects of someone’s individual character. We may fall in love with the feeling of being in love or fall in love with our fantasy of who the other person is.

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Strategies for Your Divorce ToolBox: Mindful Movement

Strategies for Your Divorce ToolBox: Mindful Movement by Jeff Zimmerman

The stress of divorce is felt through our emotions–and experienced in our bodies. It’s natural to feel tight and tense in response to common feelings of divorce, including fear, anger, and sadness.

The experience of these emotions can be so powerful and overwhelming that many detach from their bodies. In other words, people separate from these somatic experiences as a defense, especially as a marriage unravels and physical intimacy becomes emotionally painful.

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Strategies for Your Divorce Toolbox: Journaling

Strategies for Your Divorce ToolBox: Journaling by Jeff Zimmerman

It is not uncommon for our thoughts to get stuck in the mud — spinning like a wheel over and over again in our minds. These thoughts often replay the what and the why of the divorce. Over time, they become what we call “stories” or “narratives.” Unfortunately, these explanations usually do not help. They actually can perpetuate hurtful feelings, especially if they are harsh and critical.

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The Importance of Recovering from Divorce

The Importance of Recovering from Divorce by Lauren Behrman

Divorce is difficult to recover from, yet critically important for your own physical and emotional health and that of your children for you to make a full recovery.

Considered akin to the death of a marriage, divorce ranks among the most powerful stressors in adult life because it creates uncertainty in every important aspect of life that was once stable, i.e. work, finances, children, etc. Relationships with friends and family are often affected—and you may wonder about future relationships and if you will ever find love again.

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Recovering from Divorce and Reclaiming Yourself: Our Workshop at Kripalu

Recovering from Divorce and Reclaiming Yourself: Our Workshop at Kripalu by Lauren BehrmanA longtime dream is coming to fruition in September, and Jeff and I could not be more excited!

In collaboration with a writing specialist, singer/songwriter, and mind-body specialist, we have designed a multi-day experiential workshop, Recovering from Divorce, Reclaiming Yourself, that will help people gain skills, open themselves to emotion (rather than being numb), and ultimately heal from divorce. Read More →

I’ll Call You Back — Unless I Was Once Married to You

I'll Call You Back — Unless I Was Once Married to You by Lauren BehrmanRecently, a colleague reached out to one of her clients and heard the following voicemail message:

Hi, this is Donna, sorry I missed your call. Please leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. [pause]. Unless I was once married to you.

The  message’s message is clear: speaking to an ex-spouse is not something that Donna (or many people) want to do. Read More →