Recently, a colleague reached out to one of her clients and heard the following voicemail message:
Hi, this is Donna, sorry I missed your call. Please leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. [pause]. Unless I was once married to you.
The message’s message is clear: speaking to an ex-spouse is not something that Donna (or many people) want to do. Read More
After a marriage fails, it is very easy to be emotionally reactive when interacting with a former spouse.
Emotional hurts (both old and new), disappointments, unmet expectations, sensitivity to facial expressions, tones of voice, and even certain words or phrases can take on a lot of meaning — flooding one or both parents with strong feelings and causing lots of emotional reactivity. Read More
College graduation season is upon us. There is less hands-on parenting with college-age children, and many have matured into young adults. Yet, regardless of a child’s maturity, it is important that parents do not neglect their responsibility to proactively ensure a special experience — one that is untarnished by awkwardness and conflict. Read More
A divorcing couple’s marital dynamic — often the usual pattern of unproductive interactions — is so entrenched that it can be challenging for divorce professionals to avoid it as well.
Many high-conflict couples often interact as “mind readers.” Each person is definitively sure what the other thinks, feels, and intends. Although the level of certainty is absolute, the likely reality is that one’s perspective about the other may be incorrect or only partially correct at best. Read More
I recently had one of the most moving and powerful experiences of my career with a high-conflict divorced couple and their 7-year-old child (identifying information has been changed). Filled with tremendous gratitude, I want to share it as an example of why it is so important to be intentional, careful, and collaborative when explaining divorce to children.
In this case, the parents have been living separately for almost 2 years. The initial separation immediately followed a violent episode that involved the police. As a result, an order of protection was in place precluding the parents from being in the same room, emailing, or calling each other. Read More
Divorce is challenging and difficult to recover from — often because parents become stuck in battles of A vs. B. An A vs. B mentality inherently creates a scenario of right vs. wrong. In other words, if A is right, then B must be wrong. Read More
Married couples with children have two distinct roles: spouses and parents. During divorce, the role of spouse ends; and the role of parent not only exists, but expands to two households. This results in a significant change to the “business of parenting.” Families need a parenting infrastructure that supports the two separate households —and co-parenting specialists can help! Read More
When a marriage ends, and usually for some time after, one or both of the partners may feel a lot of anger. Generally the anger is related to how each person feels about the other (disappointments, betrayals, hurtful words and actions, etc.). It can be very reminiscent of their marital dynamic. Read More
When the college-age children of divorced families begin their journey out of the nest and onto the quad, the best gift to give them is the peace of mind that comes in knowing their foundation is still there. The last thing they want—as they’re preparing for their SATs, ACTs and writing their essays—is to worry about the conflict between mom and dad regarding which colleges they can think about, because mom and dad have not come to an agreement in advance.
In our previous article, we discussed CPR (Civil, Polite, Respectful) communication strategies for divorced parents.
Even in relationships that do not have a divorce or conflictual marital dynamic, what is said can often be misinterpreted. Certainly in today’s age, the tone of text and email communication can often be misconstrued—it’s easy to mistake something as critical or hurtful. Read More