My Divorce Recovery | My Divorce Recovery

Broad-Spectrum Parenting

Most of us are familiar with the concept of “fight or flight”—when attacked, many forms of life will choose either to fight the enemy or to flee from the dangerous situation. This concept can also be applied to co-parenting relationships during which parents often engage in hostile or defensive communication.

Fight might take the form of criticism or blame, and then counter-criticism or counter-blame. For example, if one parent says, “You were late picking up the children yesterday,” the other might retort, “Yeah, well, you didn’t give me proper notice of your vacation plans with the children.” Flight often manifests in a spouse not responding to emails, calls, and texts—basically, withdrawing and avoiding the conflict. Read More →

The First Day of School: It’s About Your Children, Of Course

Making the transition from long, unstructured days in the summer to the rules and expected behavior of the school environment can sometimes be very anxiety provoking for kids. It’s really critical that divorced parents are mindful of that anxiety, and what the kids are going through during this transition. Here are a few tips to consider:

Don’t contribute more to the children’s anxiety by fighting over where the children are going to sleep the night before the first day of school, or even being rigid about the calendar prior to the beginning of school. What’s important for the children is that there be support from their parents and no conflict. Read More →

Looking Inward for Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is the value that we place on ourselves.

Unfortunately, we often permit that value to be determined by whoever is looking at us—our audience. That may not be the best way to have self-esteem defined, but often, as individuals, we take those cues and run with them.

As children, we looked to our parents to define our world and our value. Whether they said “Good job!” or “Bad job!” we learned to look to the important people in our lives to determine our self-worth. For example a child, who might otherwise have no reason to be ashamed of being short in stature, could face serious blows to his or her self-esteem if one or both parents were adamant about him or her becoming a superstar in basketball. “You’re too short,” might become a familiar refrain, teaching the child that he or she is not good enough. Read More →

Safety Without Borders

I recently had the opportunity to visit Switzerland. In between marveling at the mountain peaks, lush valleys, and charming architecture, I could not help but think of the country’s legendary neutrality—and how some of the children I know here at home could benefit from some neutrality in their lives.

Adults have many freedoms and a whole suite of rights that come with reaching the age of majority, but children are dependent upon adults to provide them with an emotionally safe place to grow up.

Especially children caught in the middle of a high-conflict divorce. Read More →

You Are Family First, Divorced Spouse Second

People commonly confuse a divorce with the end of a family. The two are not synonymous.

Marriage is created when two people enter a marital union and become spouses.

Family is created when children come into the picture and the spouses become parents.

Divorce is only the untying of the marital bond. The responsibilities, commitments, and love that come with parenthood continue for the rest of your lives. Read More →

The Invisible Children: Adult Children of Gray Divorces

{Read in 2 minutes} The topic of the recent New York Times article Never Too Old To Hurt From Parents’ Divorce is one that receives too little consideration: the so-called “gray divorce.”

We give plenty of thought to the effect of divorce on young children, resulting in ample research and accessibility to counseling. That is a good thing, to be sure. But what about divorcing couples who are older and their children are already grown? Increasingly, divorces occur after age 50. How do those divorces affect the adult children? What help is available to them?