Parents experience tremendous upset during divorce, yet despite this must still parent together.
When parents truly acknowledge the potential damage that their conflict can inflict on their children, many begin to find a way to work together so they can put their kids first. Still, some parents engage in negative intimacy—while they manage to legally divorce, they have not emotionally divorced. Read More
Divorced parents benefit from modeling their communication pattern after business etiquette—it should be Civil, Polite, and Respectful (CPR). The idea is for each parent to take responsibility for their individual communication styles and focus on implementing CPR communication, regardless of what the other parent is doing (or not doing). When both parents commit to setting the standard for the best communication possible, then generally one parent will be communicating well even if the other slips occasionally. Read More
Back to school can be an exciting but also stressful time for you and your children. There are transitions to new grades and sometimes a new school. There are new teachers, as well as new classmates. And, there are countless new routines and decisions that need to be made. Read More
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t is hard for any parent to send their children off to college for the first time. The last two years of high school are so focused on the outcome of this process, creating increasing tension and expectation. SATs, college tours, essays and applications, and then waiting with baited breath for the colleges to send acceptances all raise the temperatures of parents and children. Read More
Even though you may be divorcing, you are always going to be a family for your children.
If all goes according to plan, your future could include grandparenthood together. In the routine course of your children’s lives, there will be special moments (and probably some scary moments) that you’ll share with your parenting partner, including but not limited to: bar mitzvahs, confirmations or first communions, little league games, graduations, and perhaps the occasional wisdom tooth extraction or ER visit. Read More
As I sat in a recent five-day workshop on how to design and lead a transformational workshop, I had a “Eureka!” moment.
My intention in attending the workshop was to develop transformational workshops for people who were recovering from divorce or facing transitions in their lives. As I was participating in the exercises, an insight dawned on me:
Collaborative practice is transformational work. Read More
Early in May, I had the opportunity to be a trainer in NYACP’s Basic Interdisciplinary Collaborative Divorce Training. My training team consists of two attorneys, MaryEllen Linnehan and Deb Wayne, and a financial neutral, Marty Blaustein, and myself as the mental health professional. Even though we’ve offered this training many times before, our team worked for a year and a half to reinvigorate it—making it more user-friendly and accessible. Read More
When Jeff and I accepted the invitation to visit China, we knew we were going to have a once-in-a-lifetime experience. As we described in our previous blog, our pre-trip planning had been fascinating. Even so, we could never have imagined how amazing the trip would actually be!
Jeff and I stepped off the plane in Wuhan and were immediately met with incredible hospitality. Our greeters, Lily and Finny, were warm, kind and lovely—truly soulful people. Lily is a graduate student and Finny did much of the organization for Oriental Insight, the group that invited us to China. Read More
Dear Colleagues:
We’re sending this blog from Wuhan, China, where we are enjoying a few days of sightseeing and absorbing Chinese hospitality, history and culture from our wonderful colleagues and their graduate students.
Jeff is the current president of The Society for the Advancement of Psychotherapy,(SAP) Division 29 of the American Psychological Association (APA). The division has been working on increasing its international presence, and in 2016, SAP formalized an affiliation with Oriental Insight—a similar organization in China Normal University School of Psychology which was founded by Professor Jiang Guangrong, a leading psychologist at Central China. Professor Jiang is one of the leaders in the field of Counseling Psychotherapy and Mental Health on the Chinese mainland. Jeff and I were invited by Oriental Insight to present a 3-day workshop to Chinese mental health professionals on family conflict and divorce. We anticipated and planned for this opportunity since last August and arrived here with great excitement two days ago. Read More
Children’s special events deserve to be memorable and positive. Whether it’s a graduation, confirmation, bar or bat mitzvah, recital or play, children benefit from divorced parents who plan ahead to ensure that the event—and the memory of the event—will not be spoiled by parental conflict.
Parents need to know themselves: trigger points, strengths, vulnerabilities, etc. With this knowledge, they can realistically plan for the event and avoid potential minefields. Doing so ensures that the child will not experience discomfort, witness distress, or have to navigate being “in the middle.” Read More