Often in divorce we feel that we’re very depleted—as if our emotional bank accounts are overdrawn.
Self-care in general is a relatively new concept in divorce, and it’s usually one of the last things that people pay attention to. It’s understandable, when you consider all of the changes that occur during the process. Read More
In many instances, rewriting involves the retelling of a story in which a person may have found him or herself to be a victim, and reframing the story in a way that they can see themselves on their own journey of growth—a hero’s journey. Read More
By Terry Gaspard, MSW, LICSW
Fostering your daughter’s self-esteem and healing after your divorce is a top priority, because daughters are vulnerable to cultural influences and more at risk for low self-esteem than sons are after divorce. Studies show that girls tend to define themselves through relationships and are socialized to seek approval from others, and they look to social connections to give them a sense of self-worth.
Because girls and young women tend to derive their self-worth from relationships, they may be more vulnerable to the losses associated with a divorce in their family. There is a lot of evidence to suggest that how you talk to your daughter about her feelings and how connected she feels to both of her parents after your breakup can greatly influence her feelings of self-worth. Read More
The holidays can be wonderful, but also very stressful when you’re coping with divorce. The major fear that parents have going into a shared parenting plan is what the holidays will be like. Whether you are with your children or not, the holidays are often a huge adjustment because there is such a departure from the traditions of the past.
Having said that, it doesn’t mean that your family cannot enjoy the usual traditions, if the other parent is willing. In an effort to be a family first—as opposed to being a divorced family first and a family second—some parents have agreed to celebrate holidays together. Read More
A new survey conducted by the American Psychological Association as part of their Stress in America study concluded that 52% of Americans report feeling anxiety over the presidential election.
This election cycle has broken numerous records, from the ratings for the debates to the amount of money spent on campaign ads. More so than any election in recent memory, being on different sides of the race is tearing apart friends and families. There is such a heightened level of anxiety that some people are convinced that if their candidate doesn’t win, they’re not going to be safe, or that there’s going to be chaos. Read More
Whether you’re initiating divorce, it’s being initiated by your partner, or it’s a mutual decision, it comes with a whole host of feelings including anger, anxiety, sadness, and guilt. Guilt can be profound, and can impact our relationship with our children, our ex spouse, and even ourselves.
Guilt can weave its way into our psyches from many perspectives. For example, divorce may cause children to feel confusion, sadness, and anger. It can be hard to look at our kids and see that the decisions we make impact them in a way that is upsetting. Read More
For divorced or divorcing parents, one of the more difficult challenges they face is sending their children off to college. The college process is such a huge milestone—and an anxiety-provoking experience—for the whole family.
It’s no wonder that the tradition of Parents’ Weekend/Homecoming occurs about a month and a half into the semester; the freshmen have settled into their dorms, many have already made friends that will last a lifetime, and they are eager to share their new friends and new lives with their families. This positive growth must be fostered, not sidelined by another fight between mom and dad.
Unfortunately, reuniting a divorced family means there is an opportunity for conflict to take place. Read More
Most of us are familiar with the concept of “fight or flight”—when attacked, many forms of life will choose either to fight the enemy or to flee from the dangerous situation. This concept can also be applied to co-parenting relationships during which parents often engage in hostile or defensive communication.
Fight might take the form of criticism or blame, and then counter-criticism or counter-blame. For example, if one parent says, “You were late picking up the children yesterday,” the other might retort, “Yeah, well, you didn’t give me proper notice of your vacation plans with the children.” Flight often manifests in a spouse not responding to emails, calls, and texts—basically, withdrawing and avoiding the conflict. Read More
Making the transition from long, unstructured days in the summer to the rules and expected behavior of the school environment can sometimes be very anxiety provoking for kids. It’s really critical that divorced parents are mindful of that anxiety, and what the kids are going through during this transition. Here are a few tips to consider:
Self-esteem is the value that we place on ourselves.
Unfortunately, we often permit that value to be determined by whoever is looking at us—our audience. That may not be the best way to have self-esteem defined, but often, as individuals, we take those cues and run with them.
As children, we looked to our parents to define our world and our value. Whether they said “Good job!” or “Bad job!” we learned to look to the important people in our lives to determine our self-worth. For example a child, who might otherwise have no reason to be ashamed of being short in stature, could face serious blows to his or her self-esteem if one or both parents were adamant about him or her becoming a superstar in basketball. “You’re too short,” might become a familiar refrain, teaching the child that he or she is not good enough. Read More