The term “gray divorce” refers to people who divorce later in life, generally after long marriages.
In the article, “Divorce After 50: What I Wish I Had Known Beforehand” (originally published on Marketwatch), people going through gray divorces share information that they wish they could have shared with their younger selves, thus providing important considerations for others.
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When a marriage ends, all parties grieve differently. The healing process for the divorcing couple often looks and feels very different from the children’s process. The myriad changes following divorce really impact the children. Parents who have been in painful relationships can be very eager to form a new relationship, and for their children to meet the new significant other in their lives. They may feel that their children need to see them in a healthy and happy relationship that they didn’t see during the marriage. Parents may also feel that they don’t have enough time with their new partner and with their children, and seek to maximize the time by spending time altogether. Unfortunately, many parents have a hard time seeing this experience through the eyes of their children and its impact on them.
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Poetry was one of the recovery tools we shared in our workshop Recovering from Divorce, Reclaiming Yourself, which was held at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health this past September. Poems like Love After Love by Derek Walcott speak to the heart of why this type of healing work is so important.
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When our organization, the New York Association of Collaborative Professionals (NYACP) first grew out of the New York Collaborative Law Group, and incorporated mental health and financial professionals in addition to attorneys, we were committed to changing society’s adversarial divorce culture. Yet, we also had a bigger goal in mind: to change the way people resolved conflict—not only in family settings or divorce situations, but in all situations across the world. Read More
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t is hard for any parent to send their children off to college for the first time. The last two years of high school are so focused on the outcome of this process, creating increasing tension and expectation. SATs, college tours, essays and applications, and then waiting with baited breath for the colleges to send acceptances all raise the temperatures of parents and children. Read More
Even though you may be divorcing, you are always going to be a family for your children.
If all goes according to plan, your future could include grandparenthood together. In the routine course of your children’s lives, there will be special moments (and probably some scary moments) that you’ll share with your parenting partner, including but not limited to: bar mitzvahs, confirmations or first communions, little league games, graduations, and perhaps the occasional wisdom tooth extraction or ER visit. Read More
As divorce professionals, it is common for us to have deep feelings of compassion for our clients. We truly want to help the adults and family create a smooth transition—from couple to single, from married parents to divorced parents.
The strong urge to help can result in our attempt to repair the marital, spousal dynamic (this is separate and distinct from reconciliation). We seek to help the couple take a breath, create a shared understanding, and move toward healing together. Read More
Confrontation is often interpreted as an attack. In counseling scenarios, regardless of what the professional therapist or mediator is confronting (feelings, ideas, logic, etc.), the client’s response is generally to do one of three things: fight, flee, or freeze.
Fighting back, shutting down, or experiencing a sort of paralysis in thinking is seldom constructive, particularly in a collaborative divorce or a mediation. Professionals seek to help clients move toward resolution, but that becomes challenging when clients focus on “the attack.” Read More
The holidays can be wonderful, but also very stressful when you’re coping with divorce. The major fear that parents have going into a shared parenting plan is what the holidays will be like. Whether you are with your children or not, the holidays are often a huge adjustment because there is such a departure from the traditions of the past.
Having said that, it doesn’t mean that your family cannot enjoy the usual traditions, if the other parent is willing. In an effort to be a family first—as opposed to being a divorced family first and a family second—some parents have agreed to celebrate holidays together. Read More
A new survey conducted by the American Psychological Association as part of their Stress in America study concluded that 52% of Americans report feeling anxiety over the presidential election.
This election cycle has broken numerous records, from the ratings for the debates to the amount of money spent on campaign ads. More so than any election in recent memory, being on different sides of the race is tearing apart friends and families. There is such a heightened level of anxiety that some people are convinced that if their candidate doesn’t win, they’re not going to be safe, or that there’s going to be chaos. Read More