conflict | My Divorce Recovery

How to Get Out of an Argument: 5 Steps

The first article in this series discussed how to avoid getting drawn into conflict. If you can’t avoid it, this article outlines 5 steps for getting out of the conflict.

How to Avoid Getting Sucked Into an (Email) Argument: 4 Steps to Not Step in the Quicksand

It’s easy to get drawn into conflict, especially over email. It goes back and forth with the end result being another argument. You’re not alone, especially among those divorcing. It’s easy to be provoked. Instead, next time you receive a long-winded email try following these steps.

Decreasing Emotional Reactivity

After a marriage fails, it is very easy to be emotionally reactive when interacting with a former spouse.

Emotional hurts (both old and new), disappointments, unmet expectations, sensitivity to facial expressions, tones of voice, and even certain words or phrases can take on a lot of meaning — flooding one or both parents with strong feelings and causing lots of emotional reactivity. Read More →

Creating Boundaries to Decrease Conflict Between Parents

Conflict between divorcing parents often results from judgment — both feeling judged by the other parent, and judging the other parent yourself. It takes the form of criticism and blame around parenting style, values, decisions, and even personality traits. Judgment leads to hostile counter-criticism, blame, and often avoidance. The bucket of conflict then begins to overflow. Read More →

Graduation Season: Are You and Your Former Spouse Ready?

College graduation season is upon us. There is less hands-on parenting with college-age children, and many have matured into young adults. Yet, regardless of a child’s maturity, it is important that parents do not neglect their responsibility to proactively ensure a special experience — one that is untarnished by awkwardness and conflict. Read More →

Getting Out of the Marital Dynamic

A divorcing couple’s marital dynamic — often the usual pattern of unproductive interactions — is so entrenched that it can be challenging for divorce professionals to avoid it as well.

Many high-conflict couples often interact as “mind readers.” Each person is definitively sure what the other thinks, feels, and intends. Although the level of certainty is absolute, the likely reality is that one’s perspective about the other may be incorrect or only partially correct at best. Read More →

Telling the Kids? Sit Down and Talk it Through First

I recently had one of the most moving and powerful experiences of my career with a high-conflict divorced couple and their 7-year-old child (identifying information has been changed). Filled with tremendous gratitude, I want to share it as an example of why it is so important to be intentional, careful, and collaborative when explaining divorce to children.

In this case, the parents have been living separately for almost 2 years. The initial separation immediately followed a violent episode that involved the police. As a result, an order of protection was in place precluding the parents from being in the same room, emailing, or calling each other. Read More →

Looking Through the Eyes of a Child Whose Parents are in Deep Conflict

When we think of the ripple effects of divorce, we tend to think about the effects on the immediate family — the children of the divorcing couple in particular.

Divorce not only affects the nuclear family, but extends from generation to generation. In this article, I will share a colleague’s story about the profound and devastating effects of divorce on her and her family. Her hope in sharing this, as is ours at My Divorce Recovery, is that parents can focus their energies on progress and teamwork — rather than conflict. Read More →

Using a Co-Parenting Specialist

Married couples with children have two distinct roles: spouses and parents. During divorce, the role of spouse ends; and the role of parent not only exists, but expands to two households. This results in a significant change to the “business of parenting.” Families need a parenting infrastructure that supports the two separate households —and co-parenting specialists can help! Read More →

Turning Holiday Breakdowns into Breakthroughs

During this past Halloween, I was reminded that this holiday is often a flashpoint for conflict between parents who are divorcing or have already divorced. In many of the families that I work with, there were issues around the timing and act of trick-or-treating, costumes, dinner, etc. Read More →