Strategies for Your Divorce Toolbox: Journaling

It is not uncommon for our thoughts to get stuck in the mud — spinning like a wheel over and over again in our minds. These thoughts often replay the what and the why of the divorce. Over time, they become what we call “stories” or “narratives.” Unfortunately, these explanations usually do not help. They actually can perpetuate hurtful feelings, especially if they are harsh and critical.

Journaling is an activity that can help you let go of the narrative by the process of releasing it. While our thoughts go round-and-round, the act of writing can provide an opportunity to organize, evaluate and move our thoughts and feelings from the internal to the external. While this expression of the story is often a private experience, once the story is written, it safely can be put away, or even destroyed if you want. Regardless of how and where you keep your journal, the salient point is that the narrative is now released, not just spinning in your mind.

There are no grammatical rules that need to be followed when journaling. You can write in partial sentences, draw pictures, and even write seemingly disjointed words. Some people write poetry.

To get started, we have found that prompts can be helpful for writing sessions (such as starting with the words Right now…, Today…, or My strengths can help me). You can choose a prompt that is most fitting and then write until there’s nothing left to write. Be careful though: when you think you’re done writing there is often more to express when you restate the prompt to yourself. Using the same prompt can encourage a deeper process — like exhaling deeply and then realizing that there is still more air that can be expelled if you exhale again. Writing again with the same prompt is like another exhale, releasing what is pent up inside.

One beautiful feature of journaling is that your narrative can be rewritten. For example, after you write the first version, you can do it again, but this time, in the place of blame and anger, you can write it from a compassionate standpoint, as if you are offering support to a loved one who experienced what you experienced.

By shifting the writing from a harsh, critical voice, you can see if reason, compassion, or love work better to help with your divorce recovery.

My Divorce Recovery

Jeffrey Zimmerman, Ph.D., ABPP
JeffZimmermanPhD@MyDivorceRecovery.com
212-485-0033

Lauren Behrman, Ph.D.
LaurenBehrmanPhD@MyDivorceRecovery.com
212-799-7921