How to Mitigate the Non-Constructive Results of Confrontation: Tips for Professionals

Confrontation is often interpreted as an attack. In counseling scenarios, regardless of what the professional therapist or mediator is confronting (feelings, ideas, logic, etc.), the client’s response is generally to do one of three things: fight, flee, or freeze.

Fighting back, shutting down, or experiencing a sort of paralysis in thinking is seldom constructive, particularly in a collaborative divorce or a mediation. Professionals seek to help clients move toward resolution, but that becomes challenging when clients focus on “the attack.”

Instead, it is beneficial for us as professionals to shift focus and obtain a more genuine understanding of what the client is experiencing. In so doing, we ensure that our assumptions (which may be wrong more than right) about the client’s thoughts, actions, or position do not preclude us from truly understanding him and his experience.

This technique requires active listening and an appreciation of the client’s view (even if we logically or intellectually disagree with it). It is not enough to simply echo their experience. By joining with the client with genuine empathic understanding, the client can experience being truly heard—and we avoid a fight, flight, or freeze response, even if the client’s viewpoint is based on an emotional reaction or lack of information.

If the client does not feel attacked, there is nothing to defend against. They will experience us as being understanding, aligned with them, and having empathy for their position.

It is important to distinguish this technique from gimmicky responses that simply echo a client’s statement of sadness or anxiety (e.g., “Oh, so you’re feeling depressed,” or “You’re feeling frightened.”) A genuine expression of understanding of the client’s experience results in a less confrontational interaction—and a more constructive experience for all involved.

Below are our upcoming workshops designed for professionals.

To learn more about methods to achieve these goals, consider attending one of our events for professionals in the new year: