Holiday Survival Guide
The holidays can be wonderful, but also very stressful when you’re coping with divorce. The major fear that parents have going into a shared parenting plan is what the holidays will be like. Whether you are with your children or not, the holidays are often a huge adjustment because there is such a departure from the traditions of the past.
Having said that, it doesn’t mean that your family cannot enjoy the usual traditions, if the other parent is willing. In an effort to be a family first—as opposed to being a divorced family first and a family second—some parents have agreed to celebrate holidays together.
When that is not possible, parents should take great care about the details. For example, it may make sense to set a different transition time for a holiday. Double check to make sure you’re not getting your wires crossed. Likewise, be careful about other details, like helping your children get a present for the other parent. This can do a lot to reinforce the idea that despite the divorce, you are still a family and care about honoring the children’s love for the other parent.
When the children aren’t with you, it may be very difficult to not have them at your table. It’s important to do some planning in terms of how you’re going to spend the time. It could be with friends, other family members, or on vacation. Perhaps, you can create a new tradition for yourself during the times the kids aren’t there. Find some things to help you take care of yourself either emotionally or physically, and try to allow the holidays to take on a new kind of specialness.
We can help you brainstorm ways of having special holidays, even when separated or divorced.
My Divorce Recovery
Jeffrey Zimmerman, Ph.D., ABPP
JeffZimmermanPhD@MyDivorceRecovery.com
212-799-7921
Lauren Behrman, Ph.D.
LaurenBehrmanPhD@MyDivorceRecovery.com
914-288-8428